Forgiveness

Dear Reader,

Forgiving ourselves and others is such a powerful and liberating act, yet it is also sometimes very difficult to let go.  I think that this poem pretty much sums up my experience and my awakening to the path of forgiveness.  I  don’t think that I have fully recovered from this experience yet but writing all of this down has given me immense clarity and liberated me from the worst of it.  I really was able to lift myself up out of the darkness and whilst I may not be fully there yet, I am doing better that I have been.  The intention to forgive is there, I think it is within all of us, if we could just look past the pain to recognize that pain in another.  We are not the victims we believe to ourselves to be.  It also helps to hold ourselves accountable for the choices we make in life and to own up to the consequences of those choices.  It is much easier to blame someone else than to look at ourselves more deeply.  The most valuable insight out of this experience for me, was eventually understanding that this was a lesson.  Perhaps one that my Soul had come to learn.  That is how I knew that I was ready to start forgiving, once I was able to see it as a beautiful lesson.  I was then able to feel deep gratitude for simply being present and alive and to stop asking ‘why me?’  Beautiful beings, I wish you the courage to face yourself and to be able to look within and to love yourself deeply.  Remember to forgive yourself too…much love to you

 

Forgiveness

 

You broke my heart, you made me cry

Something you said you would never do,

But that was all a lie

 

I feel betrayed once more,

Just like a thousand times before

Oh, why does this always happen to me,

Am I cursed, is this my destiny?

 

I gave you my all; I opened my heart to you,

And what did you do?

You stepped on it and crushed it

As if it were nothing, it hurts me deeply I admit

 

You professed to love me

But I have to disagree,

You enjoyed taking my love, because it was free

All the sacrifices I made, were for you

The love I had for you in my heart was true,

 

All the reasons you gave me for dumping me were pathetic

They sound phoney and unsympathetic

You dumped me because I am too good and perfect?

As if that is something that is a defect!

 

I hate you for causing me this pain

Now, I have to pick myself up all over again,

I don’t know how much more I can take

Pretending that I am okay when it’s all fake

I feel shattered and broken

On my lips, bitter words unspoken,

I cannot bear the thought of seeing you

For fear that my humiliation will shine through

 

At your feet, I lay all the blame

I am filled with regret, anger and shame,

You are the cause of all my sadness

And I cannot fathom the reason for your madness

 

For many months, I carried this pain and resentment

Believing that cursing you was giving my heart contentment,

 

But then one day

My anger began to fade away,

The walls around my vulnerability were coming down

And I was confronted by my pain so deep and profound

 

I started to panic

I could not breathe,

I was feeling manic

I didn’t want to face the truth underneath

 

My mind frantically searched for a distraction

Anything to stop this reaction,

What could make me feel numb

So that I can avoid what is to come

 

Ah, but I have been here before

A long time ago,

I knew then that no one could save me

I needed to go within,

To accept and let it be

 

I surrendered to the humiliation, misery and pain

I allowed the light to enter again,

I had to admit to myself that I was not angry with you

I was punishing me!

To be with you, I compromised my values, beliefs and integrity

Because I thought that in a relationship, it was the right thing to do

 

On the other side of this shame

Clarity came,

And I could see that we are the same

You had your reasons for what you have done

I forgive you, I set you free,

I am you and you are me

 

In doing so I have found a new lightness in my heart

I can smile again,

I wish you well my friend, my teacher

Thank you for helping me to grow stronger…

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